On November 23rd I made the choice to list one thing that I am thankful for each day. Now, I ended up forgetting to do so a few days, but that's not really the point of this post. The point is the motivation: What I thought it was at the time and what God has shown me it REALLY is.
Thanksgiving was coming, it was the next day in fact, and we all (or most of us) like to think of at least one thing that we are thankful on that day. I thought it was sad that we only do so once each year, when there are so many things to be thankful for! I decided that I would change that, if only for myself.
There lies what I THOUGHT my motivation was: To thank God each day, to let Him know that I am grateful for the price He paid for me, and to let those in my life know that I am thankful for them. Now, don't get me wrong, those are all great motivators, and are also true. Today God spoke to me, though, and He has told me what He wants the end result to be. He surprised me completely.
As you most likely know, I suffer from depression and have since a young age. I admit that there are a lot of times I wish I hadn't been born, or that I wish I could just drop dead. Horrible I know, but the truth nevertheless. I was still completely taken off guard when God said these words to me, "At the end of your year of thankfulness I have one thing that I want you to be thankful for. This can be the final statement, or it can be a realization in the middle. I want you to be able to say, honestly, that you are thankful that you were born."
Now, you really had to be here to experience the power of this whispering in my ear. I was completely taken aback! God knows how much I've struggled, but my reaction was still "WHAT?" At first my response was, "I can say that now! My life is improving, and I'm thankful." Then I did something that I avoid doing most of the time: I dug deeper. I dug as deep into my mind and heart as I could and truly mulled this all over. Was I really able to say that I am thankful that I was born? No. While I can honestly say that I don't want to die until God is ready to take me Home, I can't honestly say that I am glad that I was ever created. This is a step in the right direction, as that first statement was far from true at one point, but I am still not where I should be.
This started out as a fun experiment, a bit of a challenge for myself, and it has turned into an adventure. God has molded something so simple into something so huge. I now know with complete certainty that this next year is going to be full of changes and will keep me on my toes. I look forward to every minute of it, and I honestly cannot wait until the day I can shout to the world, "I am thankful that I was born!"
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